Is Obedience Better than Sacrifice

Since my healing began, I returned to a place where I found peace. The place where I could have my private conversations with the One who knew me best. He never let me, but I left Him. At times I would hear His voice whispering in my ear not to do something but out of hurt and anger I became a disobedient child.

Funny how He speaks so clearly to us who know Him but have chosen to do things MY WAY. There are many verses in the Bible that made reference to this verse "Obedience is better than sacrifice." I took the words light and never gave the words a second thought.
I lived the life I wanted to do and when I wanted never knowing those words would come back to bite me and bite me HARD. My mother's favorite words to say to me when I was having a good time, so I thought not knowing I would live to regret some of the choices I chose.
Because of my choices I was a complete mess. Dating the wrong men hanging out with toxic people and avoiding those who have my best interest in mind.
I married a man because I was tired of living with my mother, and he was tired of living with his family. So, after six months of dating, we tried the knot. This was a marriage doomed to fail because it was not God's will, nor did I receive the blessings from my family. This guy would become my worst nightmare where the police would be called periodically due to domestic violence. It was that very last altercation when enough became enough and I had to fight for my life. Thank God for the neighbors who lived on my floor because they got me off of him and he was asked to leave by my mom.
Then as years passed, I encountered a well-dressed man who happened to work in the same building my office was in.  The warning signs were but again I ignored the signs and continued to date him. Then one day I remembered my coworker informing me that he was married. After hearing that I did ask him, and he said no. That the person was lying so I proceeded to meet him after work. I remember coming home and my mother's exact words were "If this guy hasn't given you a phone number introduce you to his family and his children, he's either married or living with someone." And again, she was right, but I didn't listen now.
I continued and then I found out the truth and was devastated. I prayed for God to end this relationship, but it was me who wouldn't let go. Was I being disobedient and what was God thinking about my behavior.
Damn was I that lonely that I would stoop so low to deal with a man who lies about his status.  Again, I went to God in prayer and finally the yoke fell off after seven years. Damn I took a deep breath and was relieved. When I ended, I was pissed and returned to the life of being single.
I spent the next seven years enjoying me finding me and spending time with God.

After seven years I encountered a gentleman who was a smooth talker who had a game. Again, God said no, and I was disobedient and got involved with a man who played the sympathy card. He sure had a pity party, and I was drawn into a web of lies and deceit. I was NEVER treated with the utmost disrespect during the years of dealing with him.  I never will forget when I would text him and never get a response for days and then would be told he never received my texts. The unanswered phone calls the excuses the phrase all men cheat. Then the stories about other women and being compared to them. The times he would say he was going to visit friends which would always be women. And the lying about his status was how he not only reeled me in but multiple women. The many times we would go out in public but never hold hands and pretend to not be together. Damn why was I dealing with this bullshit. Oh and the best phrase ever You'll never find a man like me." Bullshit I said don't fool yourself. He was definitely a creature of habit. I could have walked away I had nothing to lose, but then again, I stayed and wasted precious time.
Prayer God in all His glory ended for me. Amen

Five years later and I was single I was able to deal with Breast cancer, write my blog start my Podcast and focus on me and my relationship with God. In my heart I wanted a mate and would have conversations daily with God about my circumstances. Was I being too annoying or should I have left well enough alone and not pray and worry. I tried again online dating and came across men who did want anything but a causal friendship or should I say friends with benefits. Then one guy liked my profile and sent me a message, but it took me a while to respond. When I did respond, and we communicated and the conversation was absolutely awesome. But after a while when I would text and never received a response or never calling me back when he said he would brought those memories from the previous guy. I was livid and had to question God why me AGAIN.
This is when I knew I needed to heal because the damage and hurt that I went through previously was like Pigpen walking around with his dirt that followed.

I had to get set free so I sought help and extremely happy that I made the right move so that I could be restored. It was healing but deep inside I felt extremely embarrassed by my behavior towards the guy I met online. I wondered about me and my dating, so I decided to fall back and decided to let God do the work and trust Him.
One night I received an email, and can you believe is said Frances life will get better when you follow me. Obedience is Better than Sacrifice. What was God trying to tell me?
He said "You must apologize to the guy whom you met online. He didn't deserve to be treated like the person who really hurt you."
I know that in order to get free I had to be obedient and with HIS direction I did as I was told, and I was released from the baggage. By doing what I did I was practicing SELF FORGIVENESS.